Dear People Who Send Christmas Cards

Dear People Who Send Me Christmas Cards,

In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel obligated to tell you what it is that I do with those Christmas cards you mail me. I open the envelope. I take the card out. I look at it for about 10 seconds and say to myself "I should really call soandso." And then I throw it in the garbarge. I don't mean "I hang it up for a few weeks and then throw it out." I mean directly from the envelope into the garbage. I'm not much of a sentimentalist. To tell you the truth, you're not very interesting. And your Christmas cards are even less interesting. If you're ok with this knowledge, by all means keep sending me your Christmas cards. But just know that I won't take it personally if you decide to stop engaging in this colossal waste of time and energy and stop sending them. Because once again, I'm just going to throw them right into the garbage. 

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Just Somebody Trying To Save You All A Load Of Unnecessary Trouble

Unless your card is as ballsass crazy as this one...which it probably isn't.